The Great Bill Saga
Part I
Bill is the
One
Authors' Note: Bill is some guy we made up based on a
short-lived T.V. show. But he has evolved. He's in every story we
write...
A file describing Bill is included at the end of this part.
Read it. Worship it. Understand that Bill is the One!
Authors's note con't: We wrote this fanfic to be a cross between:
the X-Universe
Star Trek:The Next Generation,DS9, Voy, Star Wars, VR.5, Reboot,
Beasties(Beast Wars)
Gargoyles, Bill, X-Files, and Babylon 5 at this date (Nov 1/97)
more will probably be added
Open on Voyager
See Harry Kim tinkering with something in a holodeck panel
Zoom into holodeck
See all senior officers sitting around a poker table minus
Janeway
Poker table and chairs disappear, everyone falls down.
Great flash of light and then they hear
Matrix:" Glitch. Stats"
Andraia:" Enzo, where are we?"
Matrix:"I don't know. I don't think it's a
game."
Chakotay stands up.
Chakotay:"Security!"
Hears growling behind him, turns around just in time to see
Frisket lunge
at his neck.
Matrix:"Gun, command line. Multiple target
acquisition."
Everyone in the room, including the entering security team, and
the retreating
Harry Kim are stunned to find a red M on their foreheads.
Janeway walks in.
Janeway:"Who are you and why are you on my
ship?!"
Matrix:"Gun! Target her!"
Matrix:"Look, I want some answers. Where's the game,
and who the hell are you?"
Janeway:"Game?!"
Matrix:Yes, game. This is a game."
Janeway:"I'm afraid there's been a bit of a
misunderstanding. This is the holodeck
of the Federation Starship Voyager. Now I'd like some answers.
Who are you
and what are you doing on my ship?!"
Matrix:"I come from the Net. I search through
systems, peoples, and cities for this
sprite; Bob; my friend. My format? I have no format. I am a
renegade, lost
in the web!"
Janeway:"Okay. That clears everything up." Rolls
her eyes
Andraia:"Scuzzy! Where are we?"
Matrix:"Scuzzy? What the hell's Scuzzy doing
here?!"
Andraia:"Scuzzy followed us into the game."
Zoom into Scuzzy's viewsceen and see outside shot of ship
Andraia:"It's true then, we're on a starship. What's
a starship?"
Voyger officers look at each other, smirk.
Janeway:"If you'll follow me, please, I'll try to
explain."
Everyone walks out of holodeck, still targeted. Enzo calls for
Frisket, much
to Chakotay's relief, as he limps out the holodeck and follows
them to sickbay.
When the holodeck doors close, the Saucy Mare appears and you
hear the theme
music for the Crimson Binome.
Cut to opening scene
Open on LATE 20th century Earth
High above Manhattan's city streets...
Brooklyn: C'mon Broadway! I bet I could beat you with my
eyes closed.
Broadway:Ha! If I win you owe me 10 Chilli Dogs...With the works!
Brooklyn snorts. "Pptthhh"
As they launched off of the clock tower, we hear the distinct
bark of
their 'Dog' Bronx.
Brooklyn: You're way behind-
Broadway: I won't lose! I want those hot-dogs!
Suddenly they hear a laser fire and see Hudson, Angela, Goliath,
Elisa, Bronx and Lex
fighting with Demona,Thailog and Delilah.
Brooklyn: Demona!
Broadway:Brook... wait!
Brooklyn tackles Demona and knocks the gun away from her.
Demona:No- you fools! We are on your side!
She breaks free from Brooklyn's grasp and pulls out the Phoenix
Gate.
Demona:Des la grate moury tempy et intervalia. (SP?)
A ball of flame encases all the Gargoyles and they appear in
Janeway's quarters
Back On Voyager
Open on sickbay with the crew of the Saucy Mare and Matrix,
AndrAIa, Frisket and
Scuzzy all standing around very confused. Janeway walks out and
goes to her quarters. She opens the door, and can't believe her
eyes when
she sees the gargoyles.
Janeway:Q!
Q appears
Q:Yes?
Janeway:What'd you do this time?!
Q:Nothing! And if that's all, I'd like to get back to 7
now. She's getting
impatient.
Janeway:Oh yeah, that. Well then, sorry to bother you.
Have fun!
Q:Thank you!
Disappears
Janeway: So... Who are you and what the hell are you
doing on my ship?! Don't you
think that one group of idiots appearing on my ship is enough for
one day?!
Goliath: Excuse me, there must be some mistake. I am
Goliath.
Brooklyn: And we got here because of that bitch!
Points to Demona
Janeway:"Is Goliath supposed to mean anything?
Because it doesn't ring a bell."
Lexington is screwing around with all her computers.
Lexington:"Excuse me, what year is this?"
Janeway:"This is the year 2375. I am Captain Kathryn
Janeway of the Federation
Starship Voyager. Who the hell are you?"
Lexington:"I'm Lex."
Janeway:"Nice. But how'd you get here?"
Broadway:"You remind me of Tatanya... Wonder
why?"
Lexington:"We're from the Manhatten clock tower, in
the year 1997."
Janeway:"Yeah, right. And this is all a game."
Rolls her eyes
Matrix and AndrAIa walk in, followed by Frisket.
Matrix:"I KNEW this was a game! Reboot!" and
taps his icon twice. Nothing
happens
Bill:"Reboot?"
Janeway:"What are you doing in my quarters?! Who gave
you permission?!"
Andraia:"He did" pointing to Bill
Janeway:"Why didn't I listen to my parents when they
said I'd never amount to
anything?"
Matrix:"They were right."
Janeway:"Q! Get your ass over here!"
Q:"What is it this time?! Have you no respect?!"
Janeway:"You sure didn't."
Q:"That was DIFFERENT!"
Janeway:"Yeah? How?"
Q:"I'm a newly-wed omnipetent being! I wasn't
newly-wed
before!"
Frisket and Bronx sniff each other then growl at each other.
Hudson and Matrix both say "Down, boy!" at the same
time.
Janeway:"There's no difference. But who's that
freak?" points to Bill
Q:"Bill is the One."
Matrix:"We live for the One. We die for the
One."
Janeway:"I thought the One was Valen?"
Q:"No. Now it's Bill."
Bill:"Cool."
Bronx barks, reminding everyone the Gargoyles are still there.
Demona: I brought us here because Oberon told me to,and
Thailog,Delilah and I are
no longer evil. We want to join your clan. And I can make Elisa
into one of
us.
Brooklyn:" Why should we trust you?"
Elisa:"Goliath... I want to be a gargoyle!"
Elisa pouts
The red alert sounds and an extra tells Janeway that the
Enterprise is hailing
them.
Janeway: The Enterprise?! THE Enterprise?!
X-Tra: Yes, Captain. It certainly sounds like
Captain Picard.
Janeway: But how-
Bill: Oh. Yeah. I forgot about that.
Janeway: Forgot about what?
She looks at him suspiciously
Bill: I transported them to the Delta Quadrant.. along with a bunch of other people who will show up later.
Janeway glares at him and they exit turbolift.
Picard:"This is Captian Jean-Luc Picard of the USS
Enterprise. We're under attack
by the Borg!
Data:"It REALLY sucks!!!"
Another distress call comes in.
Cyclops:"Uh, this is the asteriod Avalon...
Gargoyles: AVALON?!?!
Cyclops:"Ummm...We're under attack by the
Phalanx...We don't know what to do,
help?
Matrix:"NO!"
Andraia:"Hey! They need our help! They could help us
find Bob."
Matrix:"That's what you said about the Surfer!"
Janeway:"Can we finish this later?"
Cut to Engineering
Hodge:"OOPPSS!"
Torres:"WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY WARP DRIVE?!?!?"
Hodge:"Assimilated it by accident."
Torres:"WHAT?! FIX IT!!!"
Hodge:"It already has been improved."
Torres:"Then why doesn't it work?"
Hodge:"It's not plugged in."
Torres:"Oh..."
Torres tries to plug in the warp drive, only to discover she
needs an
extension cord.
Taps her combadge and yells at the ceiling "Torres to
Janeway! We have a
BIG problem! I need an extension cord!"
Janeway:"WHAT?! You wake me up for THAT?!"
Torres:"What are you doing asleep?! Aren't you on
bridge duty?"
Janeway:"Uh... yeah.. Janeway out."
Torres shakes her head and Bill walks in.
Bill hands Torres an extension cord.
Torres:"WHAT are you DOING with an extension
cord?"
Bill:"I'm the One."
Torres rolls her eyes as Bill walks out
Bill:"By the way, don't EVER roll your eyes at the
One!"
Torres looks around, wonders where his voice is coming from...
Bill:"I am the One! I am all and nothing. And a Q.
Don't ask questions of
the One! All you need to know is that I am EVERYWHERE!"
Torres shakes her head, very confused, and uses the extension
cord to plug in
the warp drive.
On the bridge, Janeway flies out of her chair and wakes up with a
big headache.
Janeway:"Janeway to Torres! Why didn't you TELL me we
were going to warp?!"
Torres:"But Captain, I told everyone else on the
bridge. I made a ship-wide
announcement. Were you sleeping? Again?"
Janeway:"Of course not. Janeway out."
Torres mutters to herself:"Out of it, more
likely.."
Bill:"I heard that!"
Torres:"Go away!"
Bill:"I am the One!"
Torres shakes her head yet again and walks away, trying to find
Bill. She
needs to "talk" to him.
Bill:"You can't beat up the One! I AM the One!"
Valen appears and says:"No, you're wrong! I am the One! Ask any
one on
Minbar!"
Torres cheers and goes to find Bill.
Bill:"Go AWAY you imposter!"
Valen:"I'M the imposter?! You're the imposter! Read
your prophecies!"
Bill:"I'll read my prophecies. You read the
script."
Valen:"Damn!"
Bill:"Bill to Torres. I am the One! Read the
script!"
Torres:"Damn you! Go to Hell!"
Bill:"Been there, done that."
Matrix jumps in on the channel:"We live for the One.
We die for the One."
Torres:"How'd u get on this channel?!"
Matrix:"I am a renegade! Lost in the Web...."
Torres:"We've already HEARD that!"
Valen:"I didn't! I want to hear it!"
Torres glares at him, and Valen slowly backs away while you hear
Matrix saying..
"I come from the Net..."
Camera slowly backs away as you hear the 4-way
conversation/argument still
going on...
Back on the bridge, Janeway is curled up on her chair, sucking
her thumb,
holding her ear, and holding a teddy bear under her arm.
Tuvok:"Captain! We're receiving a distress
signal!"
Janeway:"Who cares?! I can't help anyone 'till I'm
rested! Go AWAY! Go bug Bill!"
The Enterprise fires a torpedo at Voyager, knocking Janeway out
of her chair.
Matrix comes running on, screams:"We live for the
One! We die for the One!"
and knocks Paris out of his chair, and plots a suicide course
towards the
Enterprise.
Picard:"But what about everyone else?! WE don't die
for the One! Especially
when the One is Bill..."
Kes walks on the bridge:"I don't know. I kinda like
Bill."
Paris looks at her:"Damn! What about B'lanna?!"
Kes:"B'lanna?! What about us?!"
Paris:"Oh.. well.. I can't have a relationship with
pure energy... But
aren't you in the warp core?"
Kes:"Bill's extension cord set me free. Now *I* live
for the One. I die for
the One!"
Paris:"NOOO!!! Not another one!"
Bill:"There is only One."
Paris:"That was one in lowercase. Not with a
capital.."
Bill:"Sorry, my mistake..."
Paris:"Since when does the One make mistakes?"
Bill:"I'm Bill! I can do whatever the fuck I
want!"
Janeway:"No swearing on my bridge! Go to your room,
young One!"
Bill:"I'm a helluva lot older than YOU'll ever be!
I'm 375 years old! Beat
that!"
Paris looks at Janeway's face.. smirks:"She already
has!"
You hear Bill's laughter fading as Janeway chases Paris around
the bridge
Bronx walks in and pees on Janeway's foot as she's running by.
She stops.
Janeway:"Who are you and WHAT are you doing on my
FOOT?!"
Goliath:"I believe he is urinating."
Brooklyn is trying very hard not to laugh
In the turbolift, when the doors are shut, Brooklyn says:"Good
boy, Bronx!
Do that again tommorow! But try for her head!"
Bill:"I HEARD that!"
Extra:"Who asked you!?"
Bill:"I am the One!"
Extra:"SHUT UP!"
Back on the Bridge
Matrix pulls out his gun:"Gun! Command line: Extra
target acquisition!"
The extras scream and run.. but Matrix kills them all.
Meanwhile, Picard and Data are sitting there laughing because the
comm
channel is still open on wide broadcast and everyone in 10
galaxies heard the
exchange, and because Matrix, although he DID plot a suicide
course, plotted
it at impulse...
Cut to Transporter Room
Lexington is fooling around with the transporter console while
the transporter
chief is arguing with the ceiling:"What do you MEAN
you are the One?! Just
because you are the One doesn't mean you have the right to
eavesdrop!"
You hear Valen saying:"But I'm telling you, I'm the
One! And an apple.."
You hear Matrix saying:"for this sprite: Apple.. er..
I mean Bob.. Apple?"
Argument fades out as camera zooms into Lexington and the
transporter console
Lexington:"Cool! What does this button do?!"
Sets the time delay for 10 secs, runs
to transporter pad..
Lexington disppears, and reappears "Cool", and
disappears again, then reappears
screaming as the X-Men appear after him, shouting:"Get
back here, you ugly
green thing.."
Lexington runs out the door and yells from the corridor:"I'm
a gargoyle!"
Cut to Outer Space
The Enterprise and Voyager FINALLY crash into each other, and
both fall towards
an unknown planet that the One put there
You hear Bill say:"Yeah.. me!"
Valen:"No.. me!"
As they fall you hear Matrix shout:"About time! Now
we ALL die for the One!"
(Beasties(Beast Wars) theme music)
End of Part 1
Fade out and hear
Tarantulas:"We have some strange looking stasis
pods falling towards the
planet.."
All characters and places and things, except Bill, are
copyright or trademark of their
respective owners. No copyright violations are intented. If you'd
like
us to take this down.. don't sue us.. just ask us.)
Please ASK us before you use Bill. If you don't... we WILL find out.
And the One will make you pay!
Onto Part II