The Lost Bill Stories

Episode 1- Part 1

Bill, Will, and Phil.

Bill woke up one morning. It was a normal morning, not raining, but not too sunny either. He decided that today would be a good day to make an appointment with the dentist. Despite being the One, he still had to go see the dentist. Everyone does.

Bill particularly liked his dentist. His dentist was a kindly old gentleman who was only a bit eccentric, as we all tend to become as we age. His dentist, whom we shall refer to as Dr. Carswell, for that was his name, had only one eccentricity that Bill could see or notice. And Bill, being the One, had seen and noticed quite a bit.

This eccentricity was a tiny, well obsession really, with blood. Particularly Bill's blood. Dr. Carswell had always wanted to be a geneticist, and being old he wasn't always sure that he was a dentist, not a geneticist.

But Bill liked Dr. Carswell, and so put up with his eccentricities and occasional lapses of memory. It wasn't always like this, though. At first, Bill believed Dr. Carswell to be an agent from his home planet, dedicated to ruining him and bringing his evil twin brother Will to Earth. Bill believed this because it is only with a large quantity of his blood that one can open a portal to bring Will to Earth.

And kindly Dr. Carswell had been taking samples of Bill's blood for several years now, although he said it was only because he had flunked out of medical school.

He said he wanted to keep in practise in case the aliens came and we were all forced to a primitive post-apocalyptic sort of existence, where humanity was shattered, fighting amongst itself, and a dozen or so brave heroes could restore justice and harmony to society. One of those would be a drug dealer, he said, and another a thief. There would be a sleazy car salesman, a sniper, and a young woman of questionable profession. He said there would be a cop working together with an assassin, and a bodyguard. The heroes would even include mechanics and computer hackers, mercenaries and good-for-nothings. But they'd be our heroes, and they'd help save the world.

When Dr. Carswell got like that, Bill just politely smiled and nodded. If he didn't, he'd probably end up with a few extra fillings "just for being an impudent young snot."

In fact, Bill had even confronted Dr. Carswell with this suspicion several years ago. A transcript of that conversation is available here, for your pleasure.

Bill: Tell me, Dr. Carswell, what planet are you from?

Dr. Carswell: Well, Earth, I think.

Bill: You think so?

Dr. Carswell: I'm not particularly sure. I think I'm from Earth, but if you say there are other planets I could be from, I might be from one of those. My mind isn't what it used to be. Why do you ask?

Bill: This will sound a little crazy, but I thought you might be an alien from another planet sent here to kill me by bringing my evil twin brother here by using my blood.

Dr. Carswell: If you say so, Bill. Do you have any family, Bill?

Bill: No! I don't have any family! Especially not an evil brother, the anti-Bill, or our unspeakable triplet.

Dr. Carswell: You're sure you don't have any family?

Bill: Positive.

Dr. Carswell: Then do I have a surprise for you! Bill, meet your brother Will!

Bill: *jaw drops*

A suspiciously dusty, dirty, wall in the dentist's office moved, and from behind it emerged Will, the anti-Bill.

To be continued.